My Last Word on These Wastes of Air

While waiting for my blood to be drawn this morning I was thinking about the fat-assed, big mouth bleached “natural“, blond from Britain who’d gotten me kicked off Twitter again, her foul-mouthed Yankee fan buddy who claims to “Dad of the Year” while spitting some of the vilest words I’ve ever seen in the same feed as photos of his children and the guy from Boston who suddenly describes himself as a white knight for so many oppressed and abused women (when you brag about being a good guy, you aren’t). When my friends found out that I’d been put on “time-out” for calling her a lying c*nt, they expressed dismay. The Unholy Trinity of Foulness, as well as 4-5 others of their group, are KNOWN for the dirty names and insinuations they make against people on the Internet. They’ve made jokes about and expressed hope for the deaths of several people, including one woman who wouldn’t lift a hand to hurt a fly and a woman whose son has been wrongfully convicted of a crime he didn’t commit.

They are the schoolyard bullies of the Internet. The ones who stick out a leg and trip you when you go running by and when the teacher comes over they’re appropriately horrified by the gash on your knee. They’re the ones who call you and your friends names, then tell the teacher when you retaliate. They spread lies – and cooties – in a black, suffocating swarm behind them.

They are as insignificant now as they were when I was in the sixth grade. I don’t believe these three are employed by any kind of “shill” company, they’ve made this all about hurting individuals and calling attentions to themselves, which defeats the purpose of hiring a firm to make your opponent look bad. They’ve forgotten their job description if they ever had one.

No they’re just three random Internet assholes.

Today, as a parting gift I leave them with these few words of wisdom. Like an elephant, the Internet never forgets.

I’ve made my choice, Brett: whenever you’re ready, you come on ahead. Bring your “boogeyman” to Wisconsin, we’ll drink some beers, shoot some pool and I’ll show how it’s done here in the Midwest. MissThaaaaang, with your fake “poppy” blue eyes and barely disguised double chin? I wouldn’t be too quick to bring up the size of someone’s ass were I you. Oh … if you haven’t dragged him to the altar in three years I’d start pinning something besides diet meals and country weddings.

And Luci? Please don’t forget about me. Your flapping lips and whining mouth is what started this bullshit.